Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas.

Yup, another Christmas blog. But this one isn’t so merry. Normally, I’d be psyched for Christmas. It’s my favorite holiday. Decorating the tree, putting up lights, hanging the stockings, talking about the history behind each ornament as we hang them and let’s not forget all the gingerbread and candy canes. This year is different. I mean, the excitement was here for like 10 minutes and now it’s gone. I have this countdown in the back of my mind, a countdown to possibly one of the worst things that will happen in my life. I have never really lost someone close to me. Sure, I’ve lost a great aunt or great uncle or very distant cousin. The last time I lost someone close to Β me was when a priest (Fr. Henry) who worked with my youth group passed away. Even then, it wasn’t too much of a blow. But this. I see it coming and I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle it when it happens. It will be like losing a parent. Lately it’s all I can think about, how this is gonna be the last Christmas we have together. That’s all I’ll be thinking throughout the holiday. The worst thing is that I can’t stop crying. The other day at work I cried at least 4 times. I would start then stop then start then stop. The struggle was so real. Now on top of finals and finances, I’m ready to explode. I hate asking for help but I’m trying to be more humble. So please keep my grandmother, my family and me in your prayers. Cheers!

Oh, I need You.

I just came out of one of the most emotional adorations of my life. For you non-Catholics: adoration is a time that we get to pray in front of the Eucharist, that we believe is the true presence of Christ. It’s a beautiful time of prayer. I’m never really emotional during this time. But for some reason, I couldn’t hold it together. It was like all these epiphanies were hitting me at once. A guy that essentially broke my heart was there roaming around. It was like I looked at him and the thought came to my head that this is not the man you’re going to marry. It was one of the toughest things I had to come to terms with. I had all these dreams and hopes that he was the one. It was like all of these stars were aligning and everything was falling into place until it all fell apart. So that really hit me. Then the band plays this song with the words “Lord, I need You. Oh, I need You. Every hour I need You. My one defense. My righteousness. Oh God, how I need You.” As I was singing/praying these words, I just broke down. I’ve tried to do things by myself and not bother God with the silly things. I was strong enough. I could handle it. NOPE. I need Him more than I thought. I’ve been having a difficult time coming to terms with the fact that my grandmother is dying of cancer. This is probably our last Christmas with her. It breaks my heart. She’s like a parent to me. She helped raise me. She’s the reason I’m the person I am today. I hate asking people for help. My pride gets in the way a lot. The funny thing was the speaker gave a talk about humility. Ha! I never want to bother people with my problems. Everyone has their own crap going on. Why bother them with mine? But I kept praying these words and I could not stop the feels. So. Many. Feels. I left early because I just couldn’t be there anymore. I walked to the train in the pouring rain in silence, just reflecting. Today something beautiful happened. I surrender. I humbled myself like JP2 and Bl. Mother Theresa and that adorable Pope Francis. I think it’s the start of a beautiful advent. Advent is all about preparing the way for The Lord. I started with mass and a good confession. Now my heart is more open to His will, no matter how difficult it will be to face. It is well with my soul.

“Jesus still rose, so we will trust.”
-Angela Faddis

I Didn’t Even Finish My Christmas Cookie.

So Christmas is coming. This holiday comes with a lot of memories, good and bad. Mostly good. There’s one that stands out. My first real heartbreak. Now, only one or two people have managed to really break it. Others left a scar or two. But this one takes the cake.

Have you ever had a person in your life that you were so close to, like a best friend, that you just had this feeling they were absolutely perfect for you? You just get this feeling that this is the person you’re suppose to spend the rest of your life with. Everyone else thinks so. So do you. It must be fate. Β The higher the fall, the bigger the break.

The only reason I bring this up is because it happened on Christmas. I didn’t even plan it. I didn’t even say anything to him. My friends decided to take matters into their own hands and tell the guy. Now call me over sensitive but if someone told you that a person, that is a close friend, likes you ON CHRISTMAS and you don’t feel the same, don’t you think it would be common courtesy to wait until the next day to rip their heart out of their chest and throw it on the ground instead of ruining their Christmas? Nah, forget being considerate. Smash it a few times with a sledgehammer. NBD.

The reason I’m reliving these horrible memories is so you don’t make the same mistake. Love Actually is my favorite movie. But telling someone you love them on Christmas is a horrible idea unless you have confirmed with several sources that they indeed feel the same way. There’s no 99.9% sure. Be 100% sure. As much as I love that movie, do you really think telling your best friend’s wife that you’re in love with her is a good idea? Worst friend ever. So guard your hearts and have yourself a merry little Christmas! πŸŽ„

Mindy Kaling.

Can I just say that Mindy Kaling is my spirit animal? Everything she says is so ridiculously accurate. Everything on her show (that she’s a writer for) is so accurate as well. There was a time, a couple years ago, that she was having a discussion here in Boston about her new book. At the time, she was only known as Kelly on The Office. I asked some of my friends if they wanted to come with me and wait outside in the cold for a standby ticket. They all said no and I went alone. I got to meet her and talk about my favorite episode of The Office (The Injury) that she wrote. It was pretty amazing. They didn’t let me hug her or take a picture with her. I took a creeper shot though! Now guess who loves Mindy? Everyone that said no to me.Β 

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Since I’m currently watching TMP (The Mindy Project), I thought I’d share some of my favorite gifs.

I could go on forever. So many things. IF you have a favorite Mindy quote, put it in the comments!