Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas.

Yup, another Christmas blog. But this one isn’t so merry. Normally, I’d be psyched for Christmas. It’s my favorite holiday. Decorating the tree, putting up lights, hanging the stockings, talking about the history behind each ornament as we hang them and let’s not forget all the gingerbread and candy canes. This year is different. I mean, the excitement was here for like 10 minutes and now it’s gone. I have this countdown in the back of my mind, a countdown to possibly one of the worst things that will happen in my life. I have never really lost someone close to me. Sure, I’ve lost a great aunt or great uncle or very distant cousin. The last time I lost someone close to  me was when a priest (Fr. Henry) who worked with my youth group passed away. Even then, it wasn’t too much of a blow. But this. I see it coming and I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle it when it happens. It will be like losing a parent. Lately it’s all I can think about, how this is gonna be the last Christmas we have together. That’s all I’ll be thinking throughout the holiday. The worst thing is that I can’t stop crying. The other day at work I cried at least 4 times. I would start then stop then start then stop. The struggle was so real. Now on top of finals and finances, I’m ready to explode. I hate asking for help but I’m trying to be more humble. So please keep my grandmother, my family and me in your prayers. Cheers!

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