Here we are again. Another few men have managed to get me to let them in only to run off. A while ago, I wrote a post telling tales of past relationships. Deep down, I hope there’s someone good at the end of this long ass road after many wrong turns, shortcuts that just end up getting you more lost and wrong directions. So here are a few more wrong turns I’ve traveled on this road of bullshit.
11. Call of Duty: BlackOps
The previous post I wrote was about this human but so much more happened in this story. Whatever this thing was didn’t stop after that blog. Far from it. About a month later, I found myself in the same city as him. Against my better judgement, I went out with him on a date. All signs point to this not being a good thing. We set a time and a place to meet. I get a text an hour before saying his car is broken. “Ok…” i thought, “I’m cool with a night of pampering and Netflix in this luxury hotel room.” I tell him it’s ok and maybe we’ll do this another time but he tells me he’ll just get the next train. I tell him I can’t wait that long for dinner so I’ll get delivery and we’ll just meet for drinks instead. So I order myself my usual sushi order, 2 California rolls. Nothing fancy. The clock strikes 7:30 pm and the frantic prep begins. Forty-five minutes later, my phone buzzes. He’s right on time and waiting in the lobby. I make him wait a little and watch a YouTube video in my room while also trying to calm my nerves. First dates always freak me out a little.
The elevator doors open and he spots me from across the lobby, springing up from his chair. Hellos are exchanged. He takes me by then hand and we head to the bar. Only 2 sips into my second drink, I felt nauseous. I calmly head to the ladies room and immediately feel the need to vomit but don’t. I chalk it up to nerves and push through it. I felt so off I didn’t even finish the drink, a cardinal sin I never commit. So we start walking aimlessly around the city. Realizing he hadn’t eaten dinner yet, we stop at a falafel stand. We look at each other like “What now?” I tell him there’s a lovely patio outside my hotel and we can sit there for a while. Time sort of slowed down when we talked. It wasn’t about the normal bullshit. This was nice conversation…until a stinky ass garbage truck parked right next to us. It’ll move soon. Right? Nope. It was there for at least 15 minutes with the engine roaring and the smell of rotting garbage filling the air. Time to call it a night? Not yet. I suggest we move into the lobby and he follows. Of course at this point I was done with these stupid heels and just wanted to lay on the king size bed I had paid way too much for. Without a word, we step into the elevator.
Now if you know me you know I love Grey’s Anatomy. Elevators are a big thing in that show. So much tension. That’s exactly what there was in that elevator. Us, mirrors and a rotting pile of tension. I loved it. I unlock the door and pour some wine as the conversation continues. Eventually, we stop talking and decide to check out Netflix since the only thing that was on TV was 40 Year Old Virgin which normally I would love to watch but this was the lame TBS version so pass. What movie did he select? Paranormal Activity 4. This wasn’t a sincere choice but a jokingly stupid one. And yet, we watched it. Up until about an hour into that movie I was feeling this situation but then I started getting really tired. I only had gotten maybe 6 hours of sleep for the past 2 nights so I was exhausted already. As I started to fade, I neglected what time it was. He had said he was taking a later train than originally planned. That was at 11:30 pm. It was now 2:00 am. His phone started ringing. It was his father wondering if he was ok. I guess since the car was broken, he asked for a ride from the train station when he got in later which was supposed to be at 1:00 am. Oops. At this point I was half conscious but I heard him say he’d see his father tomorrow. “Umm, so I guess that means you’re staying?” I mumbled. “Well, I mean if that’s ok?” he said. I told him it was fine and to shut the light. Within a few minutes, I was out. Every now and then I’d wake to his finger grazing my shoulder or his hand on my thigh. I let it happen. Around 4:00 am, I woke up feeling very nauseous. I look next to me and he’s out. I was determined I wouldn’t throw up when there’s a man in my bed. I stared at the wall for what felt like hours, telling myself to get my shit together. A half hour later, I sprinted from the bed to the bathroom and some not cute things happened. My basic little sushi gave me food poisoning. I went back to bed then not too long after went back to the bathroom. After a couple times I just stayed in the bathroom, praying he didn’t wake up. Before I knew it, it was 7:00 am. I decided this was an acceptable time to kick him out. I wake him explaining that I’m sick and he needs to go. He tells me to come back to bed and everything will be ok. I do and almost immediate pass out. I wake up a few hours later feeling relatively ok but also realize that my checkout time is in 40 minutes. I left that hotel looking less than cute and unsure of my feelings toward this guy I spent the night with. Sort of. Since we lived in different states, there wasn’t really a follow up date but what came in the next several months was very relationshipy…to a point. I liked it.
Even though there was distance, I still liked this situation. I didn’t consider it a relationship but whatever it was I wanted it to keep going. Within this time, I did some things I’m not proud of now but then I didn’t care. It was nice to be wanted, as sad as that sounds. The saga didn’t end there. This past April, COD came to my neck of the woods for this nerd convention thing. Since we’re both nerds, we obvi went. He made the trip with a group of people, one of which was a kind of mutual friend we gamed with. The others were this girl’s ex and her bff. I’ll admit I had a (500) Days of Summer type sequence of expectations vs. reality. Needless to say, none of the expectations lined up. He was a little distant during the event. Once it was over, a big group of us went out to a bar in Southie. Things were going good. The bar was open. He was all over me and the girls were elsewhere. Then it all turned. The bff approaches me, pulls me aside and says “Ok so _____ is over other talking to her ex but we don’t want *Blackops* to see now that they’re dating and all.”
And boom. My evening was ruined in an instant. This girl could see I was a little shocked when I said I didn’t know. I turned so cold toward him. I went into bitch mode as he was still trying to hook up with me on the DL. Then he started texting me when his girlfriend returned.
This night was a disaster. I left my stuff in their hotel room which was on the other side of the city. Her BFF (who was trying to hook up with me) convinced me to come back to the hotel for more drinks. The happy couple didn’t show to this party at first. I drunkenly explained the saga to the BFF who surprisingly showed a fair amount of sympathy that seemed sincere. Before long, she went off with this older guy and I was at this party getting hit on by weirdos. I had planned to crash in the groups hotel room for the night but I was not about to stay there. Suddenly the happy couple walked in. I was done. I chugged my beer and walked out without a word. I had borrowed a key to their room from this chick’s ex so I could retrieve my stuff. I broke down in that elevator. It’s a shitty feeling being led on and used then cast aside at an instant. Once I got to the door, I realized my purse was still at the party. Now anger was added to the mix. I shut the door and started collecting my things. Luckily my makeup bag was in their room. I hid the fact that I released all my emotions and collected myself. As my own form of mini personal revenge, I took a huge dump in their bathroom…and flushed (not a barbarian). I strutted up to the party where I was warmly welcomed back. The disappointment was real when I said I had to leave. Even her ex gave me a big hug (lolz). I didn’t extend anything kind or anything at all to the happy couple. I dropped the key in front of them and diva walked out. I did run into one of my favorite YouTubers in the hotel lobby so the night wasn’t a total loss. However the $114 uber I had to take home (triple rate) was a huge loss but worth every penny.
So what did I learn from this human? Temporary fixes can only get you so far. You can’t lose something you never really had. Getting attached to something that isn’t yours to keep just sets you up for heartbreak and disappointment. I’ve definitely become more guarded (which is almost impossible). Letting people in, especially guys, is a big deal for me. So when it does happen, I’m serious about it. Here I opened myself up to something less than real and that was my downfall. I’m hoping that my experience with BlackOps can help me eliminate some more “shortcuts” that come my way in the future. On to the next one…