Thank The Wrongs.

MrWrong

Today, I had my earbuds in my ear, listening to my most recent playlist. A John Mayer song comes on. One that I’ve heard many a time but today was different. “I’ll have to thank the wrongs that led me to a love so strong.” This line struck me. I’ve met some great guys in my life. I’ve also met some real jerks. However, each one has taught me a lesson in one way or another. So here’s my list of guys that I’ve either dated or had real feelings for beyond just thinking they’re cute. (Names have been changed for obvious reasons)

1. “Kindergarden Con”

Ahh the first crush. How wrong I was with this one! This guy taught me my first lesson in love, what a crush is. Feelings aren’t always reciprocated. People can also change over time. He went from the cute little boy in the class next door to a “rapper” that was arrested in a drug bust and various other things as the years went on.

2. “GBF”

This was my first case of falling for my guy best friend. I have nothing but nice things to say about this one. He’s always happy to see me when we run into each other. It’s ok to fall for your best friend. Sometimes they’re the best ones to fall for. As it turns out I wasn’t his type 😉

3. “Orange Plaid Boxers”

For the record, I came up with this codename in 8th grade! This guy will always be a bit of a crush. He’s one of the sweetest, smartest, most beautiful looking guys I’ve ever met. It all started in band camp (no, not like American Pie). He is a guy with ambition. A guy that all the girls want. And a guy I’ll probably never have. He set the bar high. He showed me what a real man looks like.

4. “Shoe In The Window”

Another bad boy with a pretty face. I don’t know what draws me to these idiots. This guy started to introduce me to the idea of bad boys not being so great as you think. Nice guy? Overall, yes. Should I marry him? Hell no.

5. “AHole #1”

You can tell by the title how I feel about this one. Long story short, he’s a shallow jerk. Just because a guy likes Taylor Swift, doesn’t mean you should like him. If you hear that he’s a womanizer, it’s probably true. On to the next one. ✌️

6. “The Duck Hunter”

This is a classic example of mistakes were made. This guy I could write many blog posts about. He taught me a lot of things. First is if a guy likes you, he’ll chase you. If you’re doing all the chasing, chances are he’s just not that into you. Second is don’t give up your dignity to try and change his mind. He will end up losing respect for you. Third is don’t think that just because he’s your only option at the time that he’s your only option forever. So not true. The fourth and final lesson is nothing good happens after 1am. I know HIMYM says 2am but this bro is living proof you should just go to bed. This drastically changed the dynamic of our friendship forever. It’s my one biggest regret. I have many more but I’ll keep it to four.

7. “The Gentleman”

This is possibly the sweetest guy ever and I didn’t deserve him. It was a case of he likes her more than she likes him. After a series of jerks, this was the first guy I dated that treated me right. A true gentleman. Right after we ended things, he met this girl at his school and they’ve been dating ever since and look really happy. They’re living proof that everything happens for a reason.

8. “AHole #2”

Another gem. I was hoping for a Jim and Pam type office relationship. This was far from it. If a guy bad mouths his ex on Facebook and has a bad relationship with his mom, just don’t waste your time. Chances are they have no respect for women and will only see you as a sexual conquest. Deuces bro. ✌️

9. “DYTHK”

Despite all the jerks I’ve encountered, I have met some really nice guys like this one. This could’ve become something but didn’t. It wouldn’t have lasted anyways. This guy introduced me to ehookah and work snapchats. Not a real lesson but I am appreciative.

10. “Close But No Cigar”

Last but certainly not least. Have you ever been so sure of something for so long to then realize it’s not what you thought it was? That’s what happened with this guy. Of all the guys on and off this list, he’s the closest I’ve come to what I’ve truly wanted. Like DH, I learned many lessons from this guy. More than DH. I could write a damn novel. Let’s stick to the most important ones. Laughter can be the best and most dangerous thing. When someone makes you laugh, there’s a little bond that forms. The more you laugh together, the better your bond (in my opinion). Something as simple as laughing and joking can give someone the wrong idea. That sounds stupid but it’s true. Unless the relationship is clearly defined, the lines can be blurred with this. And like Robin Thicke, I’m not a fan of those blurred lines. On the subject of blurred lines, if someone keeps you guessing their true feelings towards you, it’s probably not what you’re making it out to be. Overanalyzing is my worst enemy. With this guy, he always kept me guessing. One minute I thought, “Hey, he must really be into me. That totally meant something!” The next minute I would turn on a Taylor Swift song and give up. This guy indirectly drove my friends crazy because I would go back and forth. I wasn’t the only one he kept guessing. I’ve known a couple others that have said the same thing. This brings me to the most important lesson. Sometimes guys have no idea what they’re doing. To you, they’re flirting. To them, they’re talking to a friend that’s a girl. Guys are idiots. They probably won’t realize what was going on until much much later. We’re more emotionally mature than most of them. It’s not completely their fault.

 

That’s my list. The whole point of this post is to say thank you to these idiots.  They have made me the woman I am today and have ultimately brought me closer to my yellow umbrella. So thank you gentlemen and a-holes.

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My ‘Why Not Me?’ Philosophy Ends.

Have you ever had that moment during a priest’s homily that it feels like they’re talking directly to you? I mean, I know homilies are accessible but I had this moment this past Sunday. Before mass, I spent a few minutes in front of the Blessed Sacrament like I usually do to prepare myself for mass. Typically, I lay all my worries, concerns and struggles down so they won’t be a distraction during the Celebration. I listed four things I was really struggling with and asked God for help/guidance with them. Fast forward to the homily. Fr. Joe was speaking about the Gospel where the day laborers that were idle all day got more wages than the ones that had worked all day. The workers were outraged. They couldn’t understand why these lazy people received more money than them! He said how often we ask “Why not me?” or think that we’re more deserving of something than other people. Just because the laborers we’re idle, doesn’t mean they were lazy. They were ready and willing to work just as much as the workers that did their time. Just because it looks like someone effortlessly got what you wanted, doesn’t mean that’s true. You have to stop thinking that you’re entitled to everything. Things come when they’re suppose to. Too often have I looked at a person and thought, “They don’t deserve that (person/thing). I’ve done my work. I’ve put in my time. I should get that.” We begin to sound like little brats. We should be thankful for what has been put in front of us. This is something I constantly struggle with. And ironically enough, Fr. Joe listed the four things I offered up in prayer in a row, in the homily.

Well played God, well played.

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On The Hook.

practiceteacuppigAs I’ve referenced in past posts, I get most of my best facts of life from How I Met Your Mother. There is an episode called “Hooked” that is one of my faves. Not just because it has a teacup pig but because it focuses on one of the biggest problems in my life, being on someone’s hook, namely liking them but they always keep you guessing if they feel the same. Maybe it’s just me but sometimes I have a really hard time figuring out if a guy likes me or if he’s just a good friend. The lines are always really blurry. I witnessed a friend of mine experience the early stages of the hook. A guy we know (let’s call him Frank) asked her out even though she was just being a nice person and making casual conversation. She is just starting to date this guy and has no interest in “Frank”. My friend is a nice person and feels guilty about almost everything (blame it on being Catholic). She didn’t want to break his heart so she wanted to avoid telling him the harsh reality. Luckily, she has me for a friend and I helped compose the text. Never keep an admirer guessing. It’s not right. That person could waste days, months, even years on the idea of maybe. If you have even an inkling that this person has caught the feels, make it clear how you feel about them. Not necessarily in a rude way but in a blatantly obvious way that leaves no room for guessing. SHUT IT DOWN.

With all that said, my arms are tired from hanging on a certain hook for a long time now. It’s just become very clear to me that if someone likes you or wants you badly enough, they will come get you, or at least that’s how it should be. Sitting around waiting for signs that will never come is exhausting. I’ve become so jaded that the idea of a relationship isn’t even feasible right now. For all you peeps that have surgically detached yourself from the hook, here’s what I’ve been doing to help the wound heal.

1. Make a playlist

I pretty much do this for almost any occasion but this especially. I have a playlist called “Cleanse”. There’s no songs about love, wanting, yearning or any other bullshit like that. I have positive, upbeat, “I just wanna dance” songs as well as calming, I just wanna lay around my house on a Saturday afternoon” songs. It’s a nice balance.

2. Distance

If the pain of that hook through your heart is still pretty fresh, why rub salt in it by seeing that person? Maybe this person is a close friend or you work with them and you still want them in your life. You don’t have to cut them out completely. Only see them when necessary. It’s ok to say no to plans and sit home with your OTP Netflix.

3. Prayer

Saved the best for last. This is a big one for me. I’ve pretty much talked God’s ear off about this stuff and I’m sure he’s tired of hearing me whine but he’s my Father. Fathers are suppose to be there when their daughter has a broken heart. He’s my hiding place. He’s my comfort. He’s my ultimate healer.

 

The Yellow Umbrella.

I’ve always been a believer in soul mates and fairytales and unicorns and rainbows. Ever since I was little, the idea of a princess with one parent that’s been waiting her whole life for a man to complete compliment her has been in my head. As you get older, believing in soul mates is kind of like believing in Santa or the Tooth Fairy. It’s nonsense. Nowadays, soul mates has become, for the most part, a thing of the past. Instant gratification is key. That’s one idea of some non-religious folk. As a 23 year old Catholic youth minister, I’ve seen and heard some of the most beautiful and nauseating love stories. If you’re Catholic, you may have heard of Jackie (Francois) Angel’s story. If not, google immediately. Every conference I attend, one of the speakers talks of their spouse and how wonderful they are. They speak of stories such as proposing to them in front of the Blessed Sacrament or praying the rosary together before their wedding. With the exception of these people, I have never heard of anyone else in this world doing this stuff. I would kill for stories like this to be true for me. But it just seems like Snow White waiting for her prince to come someday or Cinderella catching the eye of Prince Charming. They are modern day fairytales that are simply that, fantasy. Everyday I look at my news feeds, I see classmates and friends finding their “Bobby Angel” or having a baby. I can’t help feeling left behind as if I’m one of the girls in the village that the prince comes to with a glass slipper and it’s a size 8 (i’m a 6.5). After all the princes and their glassware have come through, I’m stuck waiting by the fire. 

One kind of modern day fairytale that was on television is How I Met Your Mother. This show has become one of my all time favorites. It caries so many lessons and pieces of advice for people in their 20s or 30s. It has a lot of symbols. One being a yellow umbrella. The mother is the one with the yellow umbrella, the one that Ted has been searching for all these years. The phrase I associate with it is, “The right place and the right time.” Ted goes through a long journey to find this woman he’s meant to be with. There are times when he wants to give up completely. His ex Stella puts it best when she says:

“I know that you’re tired of waiting. And you might have to wait a little while more but, she’s on her way, Ted. And she’s getting here as fast as she can.”

There are times when I want to give up, when it feels like everyone is paired off and I’m going to die a lonely cat lady. The yellow umbrella has been that symbol of hope that there is a person out there for me. I may be a complete idiot for believing this but I don’t care. I like to think that fairytales do exist and that there is a Bobby Angel out there for me. It may take me some time to find him but when it’s the right time and the right place, all this bullshit won’t matter. 

With all of that said, a yellow umbrella will be my first tattoo. And hopefully if I do meet my yellow umbrella, he’ll have a blue french horn.

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Confessions of a Third Wheel.

If there’s one thing I hate in this world, it’s bring the third wheel. I’m 23 now and this has been a common occurrence unfortunately. There’s nothing worse than sitting in a movie theater with best friend that is hanging all over/dating the guy you’re not so secretly in love with. The sad part is that this situation and others like this can be avoided.

If you are in a relationship and you have a friend that isn’t, please do not invite them out with you and your significant other. This could lead to a future drinking problem and an overall unpleasant time for your friend. The pity invite is the worst. One Valentine’s Day, my then BFF & her boyfriend came to my house with a bag of chocolate and kidnapped me out of pity. I sat on a couch at her house watching a romantic comedy and stuffing my face with Dove chocolate. I ended up texting a friend to rescue me. To them, this might’ve been a good deed. In reality, it was the equivalent of waterboarding. Maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “IT IS LIKE WATERBOARDING!!!” My friend, you’re not alone.

It always seems to be the BFFs that get a boyfriend then the balance of the group of friends change. That’s pretty much the situation I’m in now. Some good has come of this perpetual awkwardness. Here’s my advice to you tricycles:

1. Find a buffer

Tricycles are so awkward. Make it a quad! Bring in a friend that can bring balance to the force. If the couple starts to get all couple-y, focus on your other friend. You also have someone incase you need to use an emergency exit, meaning you can ditch the couple and grab drinks with your other friend!

2. Say NO

It’s a magical word that is a big part of my life. If a couple invites just you out to dinner, drinks or whatever, say no. No one is forcing you to put up with this shit.

3. Don’t get sad, be awesome instead

If I’ve learned anything from HIMYM, it’s when you get sad, stop being sad and be awesome instead. You find you give less shits when you just focus on being awesome.

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Maybe If I Tell Myself Enough.

I don’t know about anyone else but I am OBSESSED with this new Ingrid Michaelson album. I wasn’t really a fan before. I heard a couple songs here and there that I liked but never ran out to buy an album. I heard the buzz about this one, Lights Out, and decided to check it out on Spotify. So good. One of the songs called Over You has resinated the most with me. My favorite line is, Maybe if I tell myself enough, maybe if I do, I’ll get over you. How true is this? You know when you’ve liked someone for so long but you get this feeling that it’s not going to go where you want it to. You decide that this is it. The only way you can move on is by telling yourself over and over that you’re so over that person. So you begin to see all the flaws you chose to ignore because you were going to accept and like this person for who they are. I mean, that’s what love is right?

There comes to a point where that candle burning for someone runs out of wax to keep the fire lit. I have wax all over my hands and my shoes. Wax is all over the floor.  That crap is so annoying to clean up. You can get rid of the majority of it but your still left with this waxy residue. The wick is clenched in my fingers. So what do I do? Keep hold the wick till I eventually get burned or drop it like it’s hot and stomp the crap out of it? Personally, I’m a huge fan of fire safety. I’ve never had to stop, drop and roll in my life and I don’t plan on it. So I’m dropping the wick. No more clenching that candle. No more offering up hopeful prayers. No more waiting by the backdoor. I’m done. Holding-a-candle-007

You’re Not a “Plan B” Kind of Girl

ASHLIN HORNE

DeathtoStock_Spring7You deserve better than someone who is afraid to commit to you. It may seem like enough for now. You’re just taking things slow. Oh, how I know those little phrases of “one day” and we just need time.

You believe them.
And I’ve believed them.

But you’re not a plan B kind of girl.

You need to know that you’re not the invisible one standing in the back who gets chosen last.

You’re the girl who the team captain will be frantically hoping doesn’t get picked by someone else before he gets a turn. You’re a first-pick kind of girl. And no one worth having sits back and lets those girls wait around.

‘Cause every good man knows that the good ones get gone fast.

He should be jumping out of his skin in anticipation to call out your name and say “I pick you.”

“But he’s…

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