Finding My Lobster.

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This New Year has brought many things: a new sense of empowerment, regrets and “Friends” on Netflix. I’ve always wanted to watch this show but never had all 10 seasons on DVD. I started my binge New Years Day and am still going strong. I just hit the half way point in season 2. I love the Ross & Rachel dynamic. I’m a big fan of the will they/won’t they relationships (as long as they aren’t in my own personal life). Ever since “The Office” ended, Stabler left SVU, Barney and Robin got divorced and Mindy and Danny got together, I’ve had this void I’ve needed to fill. Ross and Rachel have done that for me. When he questions whether or not its actually going to happen, Phoebe tells Ross that “She’s your lobster!” and goes on about how lobsters have one mate they stay with for life. This is something I’m on board with but not too long ago I wasn’t.

Waiting sucks. Everyday I go on social media and see someone else from high school got engaged. I try to be the good little Catholic girl and wait for my Mr. Right but sometimes I just want to throw that all away and got for Mr. Right Now. I’ve gone through a bit of a rough patch toward the end of the year. I pretty much gave up hope on finding my lobster. It wasn’t until I shared a very honest and very drunk conversation with one of my best friends. If my version of Ross were to walk through the door into my life right now, I wouldn’t want him to see it. There is so much crap all over the place, it’s embarrassing. He doesn’t deserve the task of helping me clean it all up. There’s not even room for him to walk! I realized I needed a change. I just needed a kick in the ass to get started.

Last week, me and that same friend I had a drunk convo with had plans for a shopping extravaganza. Unfortunately, a snow storm hit unexpectedly so we changed our plans to something more local. We ended up seeing “Wild” starring Reese Witherspoon. This movie was the kick I needed. No, I don’t have an urge to go on a ridiculously long hike but I do need to reevaluate my priorities, which is exactly what I did. After I got home from the theater, I sat in my room in the light of my 3 foot tall Christmas tree and prayed. I opened my bible for some Lectio Divina. I read a book that has all the feels. I wrote a letter to my future husband. I also made a list of everything I need to fix in my life. Some are instant cross offs, some are works in progress. Either way, the room that is my life is getting cleaned. Sometimes you find things you missed like old Backstreet Boys cds or old journals. Sometimes you find things you wish stayed gone like embarrassing pictures or exes. Sifting through it all does bring one thing, closure. I’ve decided that this is what 2015 is going to be for me, the year of closure.Too long I’ve sat idley by and wait for other people to make decisions for me or take charge. That me is gone. When December 31st, 2015 rolls around, I can jump into 2016 with no questions. I’ll have my answers and await the questions of the next year with much anticipation.

Yes,ย I’m a work in progress. With each thing I cross off the list, I get closer to finding my lobster. So here’s to 2015, the year I get my shit together!

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New Year, New Outlook.

Happy 2014! I can honestly say that. I’ve come into this new year completing a lot of personal goals and having many blessings in my life. Right now, things are ok. They aren’t super awesome or crappy but relatively ok and I can’t ask for much more than this. My finances are in a better place than they were a couple months ago (thanks to one BIG blessing!). I have wonderful friends in my life who are positive influences and bring me lots of joy. I’m attending a great college and doing well there. The job that I thought would last a couple weeks has lasted a couple years (and there is currently no end in sight *knocks on wood*). My family is so loving and strong, despite all that’s going on at the moment. I am truly blessed. Even though I’m not making the dean’s list or making tons of money or going out all the time, I’m really happy. There are people in this world that take their lives for granted. Someone could receive a check for a couple thousand dollars and it would mean nothing to them. Just some pocket change. Someone else could get that same check and drop to their knees in gratitude. It’s all about perspective and mine has drastically changed. I’m not living in the future. I’m not planning and hoping so much as before. I’m looking at what’s in front of me and thanking God for it, good or bad. I take time to say thank you for all the moments and things in my life. It’s done wonders. So has letting go of the past. I’ve held onto a lot of old feelings and they start to take a toll on you after awhile. I just surrendered it all (mentioned in a previous post) and it’s like a clean slate. I know there are some rough times ahead in this year but the good ALWAYS outweighs the bad. Here’s to 2014! I can’t wait! ๐Ÿ™‚Image