Finding My Lobster.


This New Year has brought many things: a new sense of empowerment, regrets and “Friends” on Netflix. I’ve always wanted to watch this show but never had all 10 seasons on DVD. I started my binge New Years Day and am still going strong. I just hit the half way point in season 2. I love the Ross & Rachel dynamic. I’m a big fan of the will they/won’t they relationships (as long as they aren’t in my own personal life). Ever since “The Office” ended, Stabler left SVU, Barney and Robin got divorced and Mindy and Danny got together, I’ve had this void I’ve needed to fill. Ross and Rachel have done that for me. When he questions whether or not its actually going to happen, Phoebe tells Ross that “She’s your lobster!” and goes on about how lobsters have one mate they stay with for life. This is something I’m on board with but not too long ago I wasn’t.

Waiting sucks. Everyday I go on social media and see someone else from high school got engaged. I try to be the good little Catholic girl and wait for my Mr. Right but sometimes I just want to throw that all away and got for Mr. Right Now. I’ve gone through a bit of a rough patch toward the end of the year. I pretty much gave up hope on finding my lobster. It wasn’t until I shared a very honest and very drunk conversation with one of my best friends. If my version of Ross were to walk through the door into my life right now, I wouldn’t want him to see it. There is so much crap all over the place, it’s embarrassing. He doesn’t deserve the task of helping me clean it all up. There’s not even room for him to walk! I realized I needed a change. I just needed a kick in the ass to get started.

Last week, me and that same friend I had a drunk convo with had plans for a shopping extravaganza. Unfortunately, a snow storm hit unexpectedly so we changed our plans to something more local. We ended up seeing “Wild” starring Reese Witherspoon. This movie was the kick I needed. No, I don’t have an urge to go on a ridiculously long hike but I do need to reevaluate my priorities, which is exactly what I did. After I got home from the theater, I sat in my room in the light of my 3 foot tall Christmas tree and prayed. I opened my bible for some Lectio Divina. I read a book that has all the feels. I wrote a letter to my future husband. I also made a list of everything I need to fix in my life. Some are instant cross offs, some are works in progress. Either way, the room that is my life is getting cleaned. Sometimes you find things you missed like old Backstreet Boys cds or old journals. Sometimes you find things you wish stayed gone like embarrassing pictures or exes. Sifting through it all does bring one thing, closure. I’ve decided that this is what 2015 is going to be for me, the year of closure.Too long I’ve sat idley by and wait for other people to make decisions for me or take charge. That me is gone. When December 31st, 2015 rolls around, I can jump into 2016 with no questions. I’ll have my answers and await the questions of the next year with much anticipation.

Yes,Β I’m a work in progress. With each thing I cross off the list, I get closer to finding my lobster. So here’s to 2015, the year I get my shit together!